Full disclosure – I wrote this blog post at least 7 years ago! Since then the term “Girl’s Girl” has become even more commonplace… but it is still being used as a weapon. Here is the post with some new observations in 2025.
I’m not taking much of a leap here by assuming, as women, we’ve all had to deal with some sort of friend drama. Well, years ago, in the middle of some unwelcome frama (hey look, I made a new word!), the rumor mill brought me this morsel of information:
“She says you’re not a girl’s girl.”
Ummmm, what?
Knowing this comment came from the mouth of the friend situated at the center of the frama, I immediately took it as the insult it was meant to be. I knew it was used to paint me as “lesser than” or “not one of us.” But this particular insult really rubbed me the wrong way, and for my own sanity, I needed to figure out why.
I spent weeks, months, and probably years trying to defend myself… to myself!
After way too much mental litigation, I came up with a closing argument:
“If being catty, judgmental, and having blind gender loyalty is being a girl’s girl, then I am happy I’m not part of that club.”
Fast Forward about 10 years. Yes. 10 years.
This statement popped into my life again. This time, as a more enlightened individual, I decided I needed to do some research on exactly what it means to be a “girl’s girl.”
The first article and one of the few I came across was from a sorority blog/newsletter titled “13 Signs You Are a Girl’s Girl.” The first paragraph sounded promising, stating:
“Some women are innately catty when it comes to fellow females.”
Yes, sister! I’m with ya!
But then after reading more, I realized what they were really saying: unless you are a girl’s girl, you fall into the catty bucket.
Oh hell no.
And Then Came Sign #4 You are a Girl’s Girl…
“You don’t understand those girls that are girly but only friends with guys. And you secretly think there is something wrong with them. That being said, you still make small talk with them when your paths cross.”
Umm… hello, catty!
So, these self-proclaimed “girl’s girls” can’t fathom how another female can have guys as friends, so there must be something wrong with them. And then the cherry on top: Be fake when you run into them. Ok, now I’m fully irritated.
My Mental Defense Was Back in Action
Exhibit A – I have three siblings, all brothers, therefore I am as comfortable having guys as friends as I am having girlfriends. What I’m not comfortable with: blindly supporting anyone solely based on their gender.
Exhibit B – I have never learned how to French braid or use a curling iron… and makeup isn’t my strong suit. Irrelevant facts when it comes to friendship, yet somehow held against me in the “Girl’s Girl Club”?
Exhibit C – I have had the same best friend since 6th grade — proof that I am a gold-star member of the friendship club, yet those credits are non-transferable to the “Girl’s Girl Club” simply because I also have guy friends?
Your honor, the defense rests. These kinds of statements are harmful and mean-spirited. They breed cattiness and division among women. Not a good look for us.
Deep Breath. Let’s Take a Different Approach.
Since I never asked this friend what she meant by “she’s not a girl’s girl,” I let my brain run wild. I was mentally lawyered up in mere seconds and ready for court.
So, what tools or advice could I have used in that moment to spare my poor brain all that litigation?
I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me:
- You are not a mind reader. If there are any questions about how something was communicated or the intent behind it, you only have two options: 1) ask or 2) let it go.
- The following are NOT options:
- Assigning your own interpretation as truth
- Playing the scenario over and over in your mind
- Keeping it alive by talking to anyone and everyone who will listen — including yourself
- You must get into the practice of asking for clarity about statements made to you or communicated through the grapevine. The only way to build this habit is to practice. Yes, this is awkward, but boyyy does it save time and brain space.
- Get comfortable with who YOU are and stop caring so much about what others think.
- Getting real with who you are starts by figuring out your values and then honoring them on the regular.
What Did This Experience Teach Me?
- Don’t listen to anyone else’s opinion of me, it’s none of my business
- Having guy friends doesn’t mean anything except that I am open to all friendships
- Boundaries are important in all relationships, including friendships
- When someone says, “she’s not a girl’s girl,” ask them to explain
In conclusion:
I happily withdraw any previous applications to the “Girl’s Girl Club.”
I am now the current President of the Any Girl Club, where all are invited and accepted. We are loyal to all of our friends, loving them but keeping them accountable to all of their behaviors.
No need to apply — you’re in.
[end original blog]
Reading this again in 2025 made me laugh. But I still feel the same about the term “Girl’s Girl” because I continually see it being used as an insult. I see it being used as a way to put another woman down or sway the opinions of other friends.
Parting thoughts….
🌸 Just stop. Stop being catty and stop gossiping, especially about a close friend, it’s not cute.
🌸 Stand on your own and stop trying to convince people who you are and what you stand for. Your actions should be enough.
🌸 It is okay to have unpopular opinions but keep them to yourself unless you are truly trying to help. But even then, really check yourself.
🌸 If you make a mistake, don’t try to “get ahead of it”, blame others, or spin it. And please don’t build an army, don’t hire a campaign manager, and please put your megaphone down.
🌸 All of this is coming from a woman (me) who is deeply flawed. Who has made mistake over mistake over mistake. Who wishes she could go back in time and do better. Who is a work in progress. And most importantly, who is no longer afraid to show all of her imperfections.
Thanks, Btch 
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